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i feel like this month i've cycled through 10 different personalities. not in a bad way, but in a sense that im realizing new things and changing everyday.

a quote i heard at the beginning of the month unironically shifted my entire perspective on life.
"get from the day, not through the day"

i feel like for most of my life i have been so focused on the goal or the future that it completely wiped away years of my life without me even realizing it. sometimes its hard to remember times in my life bc it was spent focusing on everything other than the present. if you are super shy (esp as a kid) and self-conscious, we can all agree it makes you very aware. almost in a crippling way, you observe everyone around you and yourself so much that you become this person that second guesses everything, because you see both sides. it has never been black or white for me, ive lived in a grey cloud my entire life. i envy people who stake their beliefs in the ground. i think its too easy for me to put myself in other peoples shoes sometimes.

ive been having a crisis over who i am and i think that this only exists because of my inability to believe in one thing fully, not in a close minded way either. Just believing in one thing until i re-understand it or see it differently, and being open to change that belief when it comes.

over the past month i have focused on trusting myself and my intuition.

the easiest way to kill something special is to compare it, and that's all ive ever done.

everything i want is already within me, ive always been looking for the plan or remedy, but really, every revelation in my life has stemmed from and idea or thought, never a direct solution. its like loosing your keys only to realize they're in the ignition.

me and my family have never laughed as much, i feel alot of love. i don't like saying things like that because i feel like its talking down to people who don't feel the same. when im not in a good mood that's the last thing i want to hear from someone, but i just hope the person reading this knows that you are so much more valuable than you realize. the rain doesn't last forever.