i miss listening to my mom annoy the fuck out of me by playing bruno mars at 6am on our way to school.
i miss riding bikes with the kids on my street.
i miss feeling cold air against the layer of sweat on my skin as i walk through the door before dark.
i miss feeling like i was a part of something.
last entry i talked about making drastic changes and the way i use the internet is one of them. i've allowed it to steal so much time away from me for nothing in return.
when im reading blogs/forums that are away from the short form content it feels like my brain is actually on. scrolling through instagram makes me feel like im being mentally raped. nothing good has ever come from a twitch stream, instagram reel, or twitter. its sad i have to grow a resentment towards something before i have the ability to stop doing it but im at that point. i obviously lack the self-control to use these things in moderation but it really is the lowest form of entertainment possible. you have access to every movie, album, book, anime and game every created but you choose to read about your favorite millionaire getting a divorce or the opinion of a guy you dont even like. inherently, the internet isn't bad but most people don't have the awareness to realize this shit is literally giving you adhd.
i will sweat more.
i will write more.
i will think more.
your best ideas are on the other side of the silence you're avoiding.